What you need to know
Betrayal Trauma, also known as complex post traumatic stress disorder, happens when a person in whom you have placed trust, expect to protect you, and generally who is suppose to love you is the very person who violates your trust. Common forms of betrayal trauma include marital infidelities (affairs, sexting, porn, prostitutes, etc.), childhood abuse from parents or relatives, domestic violence, and the like.
Pornography and Cyber-addictions have become the addiction of the century. Some estimates are as high as 80% for men born in the internet age. This is staggering when you consider the harm porn and other infidelities do to a marriage and family.While many men see porn as a simple victimless activity they do alone, most women see it for what it is, an intrusion into the relationship just like adultery.
Two Groups for Maximum Healing and Recovery:
Healing Hearts group for women is our free online support group designed especially for women who’s husbands or romantic partners have violated this sacred trust. The symptoms and process of recovering from Betrayal Trauma are well understood. But that doesn’t make it easy. The awful truth is, most women think it’s there fault, and so they hide away in shame and agony, waiting for their man to “fix himself” so they can heal. Doing that means you will be waiting for a very long time for your healing; 36 months or more is average-perhaps that healing will never come. But, with guidance, you can find your healing much sooner. The hope of healing is found in disconnecting your healing process from his recovery process. We can help you see and understand how vital this really is.
The Overcomers Group for men specifically targets the scourge of Internet Porn Addiction in their lives, as well as any other cyber-sexual addictions, habits, and hang-ups. Overcoming personal habits that lead to relationship strife can be hard–especially if it is caused by habitual porn use, porn addiction, virtual relationships through sexting or texting, engaging in sex worker services, physical affairs, sexual addictions, or emotional affairs. All of these lead to a massive load of personal shame and relationship disruption. If you are struggling with any of these issues, or something closely related, this group is for you. Having a group of men who have the same struggle will help you jettison the shame and repair the heart issues that are reinforcing your habits. This group is free to participate, and open to all men 16 and over.
(for more information and questions, see form below)…
Betrayal Trauma Recovery
Betrayal Trauma happens when the loving bond you share with someone is damaged by a betrayal of the relationship. Betrayal trauma can quickly overwhelm your relationship and caused tremendous damage. When overwhelmed by betrayal, you are thrust into multiple no-win conflicts of the heart and mind. Your love for the betrayer is threatened by feelings of contempt for their behavior. Your feelings of safety and trust are torn by your fear of being wounded again. You have most likely become emotionally dysregulated and cognitively paralyzed. Everything between you is now stained with the betrayal, and nothing seems real or trustworthy now. Your heart and mind argue about whether you should stay and fight for your relationship or leave and avoid more pain.
When the most trusted people in life are the very ones that inflict the greatest harm-all of your beliefs about life are challenged. Betrayal Trauma is most common in marriages where affairs, pornography, emotional affairs, and other behaviors occur. Other betrayals can come through parents, siblings, relatives, children, close friends, and other specially connected people.
The initial discovery of betrayal is enough to cause the body to immediately ramp up its threat response system. Unfortunately, partners are often dealing with not just that first discovery but an ongoing series of discoveries that activate the threat system repeatedly, causing it to fire up and prepare to fight, flee, or shut down over and over. Many betrayed partners report feeling that just as they start to calm down and gain some equilibrium another discovery occurs and once again their system rockets into chaos.
Most people who are wounded by betrayal trauma fail to recover because they try to ignore it, bury it, or heal themselves. This does not work. The actual effects of betrayal trauma are complex and interlaced throughout your heart and mind. Joining with others in group who have also suffered along with expert guidance is the most effective way to cope with betrayal trauma, especially in the beginning. Sometimes, when the trauma runs deep or it has repeated you need individual help to overcome the complex traumatic affects. The worst thing you can do is try to go it alone! Let us help you help yourself now, when it counts the most.
Common Signs of Betrayal Trauma:
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Overwhelming or dysregulated emotional reactions
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Unusual behavioral changes
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Changes in Sleep – too much or too little
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Confusion, memory lost or brain fog
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Changes in eating habits – loss of appetite or compulsive overeating
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Anxiety/panic attacks or depression
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Rumination/obsessive thoughts and intrusive images/flashbacks
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Difficulty caring for self or others
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Isolation or avoidance
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Obsessive need to check on other’s internet history, GPS, email accounts, text message history, etc. for signs that the danger is still present
Sources of Betrayal Trauma include:
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Sexual affairs, sexual abuse, or sexual assault
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Discovery of spouses use or addiction to internet porn
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Emotional affairs (office flirtations, inappropriately intimate friendships with opposite sex, codependency on others outside marriage).
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Cyber-cheating through texting; sexting; social media
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Sudden or Unexpected divorce or separation
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Verbal and emotional assaults/attacks which target and demean your self-esteem from a cherished person.
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Hidden histories, financial secrets, and events of significance to your relationship
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Discovery of substance or behavioral addictions
Use the form below if you would like more information on joining one of our free groups, or would like to have a free consultation for counseling.